Baby Born

3:50am- Tracy wakes me after feeling first real contraction. This time, compared to Isaiah and Jane, I pay attention this time "Jordan I think its time!..
3:51am- I'm up, dress in some jeans and a tee-shirt, and throw my new work jacket on. Things are a bit panicky and rushed. We DO not want to wait a second longer.
3:55am- I load the car with baby seat. Tracy is moaning, and breathing pretty loadly, and pacing. She has EVERYTHING ready to go.  Thankgoodness Tracy's Dad and step-mom were visiting and sleeping outside- I quickly rap on their motorhome door and ask them to go sleep with isaiah who is in our bed sleeping. Tracy is saying "Hurry, hurry!"
3:58am- We drive away from the home, the front door wide-open, waiting for Mae (Tracy's step mom) to join the kids inside. As we're getting into the vehicle, Tracy is standing on the driverside of the van: and we Laugh about Evan's joke about Tracy driving herself in and giving birth to the baby while she's driving, one hand on the steering wheel,and one and one catching the baby and pulling it up as she drives (Good 'ol Ev).
4:01am (4:01 exact time according to my phone)- we page Tracy's midwife and then call the hospital. Tracy handles the phone call letting the nurses know she is going to have the baby "...I have my babies quickly so I'm coming in...be ready..."
4:10am- We arrive and Tracy's midwife, Rosemary, is already there. There is no rooms available (busy night at the hospital) so Tracy is ushered into a stall behind the nurses desk, but it is behind closed doors and private enough. Tracy paces and moans as the contractions are less than a minute apart.
4:20- Tracy sits on the bed saying she needs to sit down. Rosemary checks her dialtion- 6cm or so. Tracy sends me back down to get her bag (I learn later that I only grabbed one of her bags). 
4:22am- Tracy wants to push...  And Tracy does what she wants she doesn't care is people are ready or believe her, which in times past they haven't. But Rosemary is excellent. She has Tracy do some short staccato breaths inbetween pushes so that she sustains the push without pushing too hard and tearing any tissue.
4:23am- The water breaks, initially just a little fluid comes. But a minute or two later a bigger gush comes.
4:26am- The head starts to show. 
4:29am- The baby (currently unnamed) is born!  They try to hand the baby to me, like to "catch" the baby, but I was a bit slow, so I did hold him for a second on the way up to Tracy. He didn't cry at first, he just later there blinking under the lights. But we prodded him a bit to make sure everything was working, and he let a cute little wail. Tracy had him trying to breastfeed right away, and latched on pretty good, and had his first meal :)
4:29 to 5:00am- They do the weighing (8lbs 0 oz), and the other tests and measurements. Once they put him on the examination table he cried more, he liked being nice and warm with mommy. The worst part is when they give him the vitamin k shot, and he looks absolutely hurt and shocked when the needle goes in, followed by a big cry session. Once he was back with Tracy he calms down, eats some more, and falls asleep. (I did cut the chord, and Tracy passed the placenta (yuck).) 
5:00 to 7:20am- its pretty boring. He has been awake for an hour. No crying. Just looking around and wiggling, which is nice. Nurses come in and out, check vitals, pat Tracy.  Everyone likes how "low maintenance" Tracy is and as usual they're amazed at how fast and seemingly (emphasis on seemingly) easy it is for Tracy.

So how do I feel?  What's going through my mind?  I feel tired and happy. The euphoria hasn't hit me yet, usually that comes when I'm driving, getting things ready for the baby and Tracy. Like I go and get food for Tracy, maybe an outfit for the baby, etc. 

I do not know what we're naming him. That part is challenging. Isaiah's name , although Dad, the official name critic in the family thinks it is old fashioned sounding, is actually a religiously significant name-- Isaiah being one of the great early witnesses of Christ. And so we can't bring ourselves to just call this new son something insignificant...  But what?  I got the impression that this son would be a missionary son and sent to help teach our family. Maybe some name that means messenger?  "How beautiful upon the mountain..."  that quote ties in somehow, after all it was a quote from the prophet Isaiah. 

7:45am- I call Tracy's Dad and he and Mae, and Jane and Isaiah are coming in when I leave and take Maria to her performance (Suessical) in 30 minutes or so. Tracy's Dad and Mae are really great. Its good to have them around. The baby now nestles in for a good feed...

I cant believe Maria is almost 8. The time goes so quickly. We're so busy. I never thought it would go by so quickly...

Our family is at 6 now- that's a new dynamic. We almost fill out our mini-van.  I don't know how everything will work out, but I know everything will work out. We really need our business to grow to two or three times what it is right now.  I have a lot to work for. Tracy would to continue to home-school our children. But being a Bishop, serving in the primary, being involved in Maria's and Jane's activities, and chasing Isaiah around keep us very busy.  Sometimes you get a chance to stop and reflect and then you realize "oh 3 years have passed since ____." 

The Chinny Chin Chins

This last week Maria was looking through an arts and crafts book she received from her learning consultant. It had the instructions on how to do "Chin" people. So we did. In fact we laughed our heads off that morning, and took probably an impromptu hour or so out of our morning watching each other and then taking video footage. They say a picture is worth a thousand words- well I suppose the following videos are worth several thousand. We especially get a good laugh out of watching Jane! (for example- check out the Grandfather's Clock song)

The Perfect Sunday

The perfect Sunday.

I don't know if there is such a thing as a perfect Sunday, but I do know that some of my busiest and most hectic Sundays are the best ones. This is something how these Sunday's go:

5:00am: Up to my alarm clock, prayer, and stumbling into the shower
6:00am: Bishopric meeting
7:00am: Ward Council Meeting
8:30am: Priest Quorum Presidency Meeting
9:00am: Interviews
9:30am: Sacrament Meeting, Sunday School, and Priesthood
12:30pm: Interviews
2:30pm: Tithing (if it is not completed by my counselors)
3:30pm: Home Teaching or Bishopric Visits
7:00pm: Youth Firesides/Cottage Meetings/Ward Missionary Correlation

The time goes by very quickly. In between every meeting there are people handing you tithing envelopes, asking you questions, bringing things for you to sign, and asking you for interviews. And then there is the searching for those who are new to the ward, or for new converts, or struggling members of the congregation, etc. I really don't stop moving until I come home in the afternoon or evening. There are deeply spiritual moments when I am touched; there are prayers and more prayers; there are many important discussions regarding people of the ward; there is inspiring music; there is watching my family from the stand as Tracy tries to manage with the children; there is the sacrament; there are talks that you worry about the possibility of false doctrine; there are many hands shook and many greetings exchanged; there are primary kids who receive birthday presents at my office after church (thanks to good primary leaders who organize it for me); there are families who come for help both temporally and spiritually; there are things said to me that I sometimes don't know what to say back for a while; there are confessions and repentance; And it all happens in those few hours on Sunday.

We pray in those early morning hours in my office during Bishopric that the Lord will help us with all the interviews, all the meetings we preside over, and over all the work we participate in throughout the day. And at times, when I have a brief moment to myself- I may be walking through the building alone, or locking the doors after we finish the tithing- and a sweet feeling overcomes me-- and I know that God is pleased. I think of all the sacred work that happens between those walls every Sunday, and it is a wonderful thing to behold.

One of the best moments is when I participate in handling the tithing at the end of the day. We cram ourselves into the small clerks office, my counselors and I along with trusty old Bro Burgess (my clerk), and before we start, we kneel down and ask for the Lord's help to oversee the handling of the sacred funds of the church. There is always a special feeling as we do so, and with each envelop that is opened it is as though there is little more faith and light that fills the room. It is like being in the celestial room in the temple. [Brother Burgess is always good for a few laughs- and he is an indomitable servant- he always there despite physical pain and ailing health].

Today one of my counselors helped me bring the sacrament to Brother Kerrison who is battling cancer. We didn't intend to stay long, but we couldn't leave. We ended up staying for an hour or so and had a great discussion with both Brother and Sister Kerrison. For those of you who know him, we almost lost him to cancer this Christmas. It is a long story, but right now he is responding to chemotherapy fairly well and it looks very promising for him. He is in good spirits but has lost almost all his hair and is dealing with all the other side affects that come with chemo.

After Brother Kerrison we went to see Maud Robinson (Bishop Robinson's mother), a widow, to deliver the sacrament to her. We showed up at her assisted living seniors home at 4:30 and they were just getting ready to eat. Well, when she saw us she was so excited that she wouldn't let us leave. She took us by the arms and said "You will stay for dinner won't you?" Even though we were anxious to return to our families, Morgan and I looked at each other, and exchanged looks that said there is no way we can leave her, it means too much to her. So we stayed. She bought us 2 meal tickets and sat us down at a table with her. She was honored to have us there. She kept saying "...I'm not used to having company- nobody visits me anymore- it is so nice to have the Bishop here..." She introduced me to all her friends saying "This is my minister..." And after dinner she took us on a tour of her entire building (all three floors). We gave her the sacrament afterward.

You just leave those types of visits feeling so good.

At the end of the day, after the kids are in bed, and Tracy is pretty ragged from her own calling, being pregnant, and watching the kids all day, we finally relax. It is the closest thing to my mission that I have experienced. I am so tired, but feel so blessed, at the end of these busy days.

Jord

Unanswered Prayers

"Prayer is the soul's sincere desire, uttered or unexpressed..." [Prayer is the Souls sincere Desire, James Montgomery 1818]

In my life there have been a stream of wonderfully answered and wonderfully unanswered prayers. Unanswered prayers to me, in this context, are requests made of Heavenly Father that he did not, for reasons unbeknownst to me at the time, grant to me.

The latest unanswered prayer was a request I made to Heavenly Father, uttered throughout the last few months of struggling along in our business, to keep our partnership alive. One partner was with Doug and I since the beginning of last year and became a good friend to me over that last year, through some very stressful times. And the others were 4 minor partners that came on board over the last 3 months.

Without going into great detail of the people involved and the storied past, I will just say that I loved these partners. Our long time partner and very close friend decided to leave us just last week, despite my prayers and efforts otherwise. This partner wielded a lot of influence, was very charismatic and fun to work with. And when he left us, the more recent, minor partners started to waver in their commitment. They held on for another week after the first partner left but broke the news to us today that they were "out."

As the end drew near in the partnership it was very hard on me, I suppose because I was committed to these partners with all my heart, I was completely unreserved, and gave them my trust, my heart, and really my life in many ways. I also felt like their leaving was vote of non-confidence in me, in us, in the business we were/are building. It is difficult to describe, but it was a very emotional time. I agonized over their leaving.

Now it is only Doug and I and the few employees we have working for us.

As I saw the beginning of the end of all of this, I prayed that the Lord would help me salvage the partnership and help us move forward. Today as I pondered these things I came to the realization of some wonderful blessings as a result of this unanswered prayer.

The following are the blessings of these unanswered prayers:

1. The relationship between Doug and I took a major step in the right direction. With the fall-out of the partners- Doug and I pulled together. In fact, previously in the partnership, Doug and I were polarized. And I especially harbored bad feelings towards Doug. I knew at the time that the bad-will I had towards him was born of pride, but I was unwilling to let that go. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't always bad. But it definitely wasn't good either. I didn't want to talk to him many times. It has been an evolution since the beginning of our time in this partnership, and it had been getting better, but over the course of the fall-out we began to pull together. The blessing to me was to re-find love for a brother, and to re-find a friend who had been buried beneath petty differences and bickering.
2. A spiritual affirmation that success is inevitable if we adhere to correct principles. I am not blaming my partners for any failings- I know the buck stops with me. But they were never as keen as Doug and I were/are to be merciful, to be honest, to be good to others. But beyond that important fact- my confidence in what we are trying to do really increased. This experience was a moment, like moments that I have had before in my life, where I let go of fear, stepped out into the darkness and then realized that I would be OK. Over the day it became clear to me that I do not need them to succeed. I realize now that they may have been slowing me down, and I should have had the confidence to move on before. There have been other moments like this in my life, and they usually mark times where great personal growth happened in my life, and where blessings came as a result. It is like in the movie "Matrix," Neo taking the red pill, and awakening to reality after doing so.
   
3. Bigger percent ownership, better savings, and better income. We had three partners requiring a hefty income from a growing business that could not afford the partners very easily. Problem solved. Now more money can go back into the business.

I love these words:
"When sore trials came upon you, Did you think to pray? When your soul was full of sorrow, balm of Gilead did you borrow-at the gates of day? Oh how praying rests the weary. Prayer will change the night to day. So when life gets dark and dreary, don't forget to pray." [Did you think to pray, Mary A Kidder, 1876]

Truly my life was changed from night to day. And truly we are all blessed for a God who hears and answers prayers according to his will and our best interests.

Jord.